Who Am I Living For
by Orlissa
Summary: Rose's emotional journey from the end of Blood Promise to mid-Spirit Bound to the lyrics of Katy Perry's Who Am I Living For. Award one-shot fot kittenxxkisses


**Who Am I Living For**

**A/N**: Well, finally, here's kittenxxkisses' award fanfic, which I promised her back in what, October? :D She asked me to a songfic for Katy Perry's Who Am I Living For, so that's what I did :) I am not completely sure about this one, I admit. On one hand, I feel like it absolutely not my best work, but on the other hand, I like its poetic approach and the structure. I am even proud of some of the sentences… Well, actually, it's not really important wether I like it or not :) What important is whether kittenxxkisses and you guys like it :)  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T  
><strong>Word count<strong>: 1355  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: [Insert funny text here that tells you that I own neither Vampire Academy nor Who Am I Living For]

_I can feel a phoenix inside of me  
>As I march alone to a different beat<br>Slowly swallowing down my fear_

Dimitri's letter… shocked to me, to say the least.

It really wasn't something I saw coming. I truly, honestly thought that he was dead. That I killed him. I stabbed him with my own hands, with my stake, piercing his heart. I saw him fall into the icy river so, so far below. His last words still echo in my head.

_ That's what I was supposed to say…_

I know I should be afraid; he is after me, and now, unlike that time in Galina's estate, he wants to kill me. Not awaken me – kill me.

And I am afraid. I know him, I know his strength. He knows my every move. How could he not? He taught me all. He is swift, strong, and goes for the kill. If there's somebody in this world who can defeat me, then it is he. If he wants to end me, he will.

But at the same time, I am thrilled by this new… well, chance. He is alive. Well, almost. He might be saved. No - he can be saved. I don't care what Oksana thinks, what everybody thinks – I want to believe that he can be saved.

It's naïve, and… and wrong, After all, it is like believing in fairy godmothers and sleeping for a hundred years, but I need something to hold onto to get through the day. For Lissa, there is God. For me? Only this small sliver of hope.

I can almost feel him, even now. Feel as our limbs touch as we spar, as he holds my hands, as his lips touches mine, as our limbs entwine… It's impossible that this great man can't be saved.

This has to be true. This method, whatever it is, has to exist. It has to work. And now, it is my task to get to Victor, find Robert, and convince him to help me.

It won't be an easy ride, I know. It might be even impossible – but when has the impossible deterred me?

I have to do this. And for Dimitri, I will.

I should be afraid. I am. But at the same time, I feel like I am being reborn.

_I am ready for the road less travelled_

_Suiting up for my crowning battle_

_This test is my own cross to bear_

_But I will get there_

We are in Alaska now, and we have a plan, a solid plan, and we are going to break Victor out of prison tomorrow, and I should be sleeping, but I can't, because my head is spinning and my heart is pounding in my chest, threatening to jump out.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow, the grand plan starts. Tomorrow, I either got captured – maybe even killed – and ruin my future, and maybe even my friends' futures, or break out my biggest enemy out of prison and take the first real steps leading to the redemption of Dimitri.

No-one has travelled this way before. Well, somebody did – Robert. It's not sure yet if he really did it, but I want to believe. He had to, otherwise I am lost.

My mind wanders, far beyond tomorrow.

I am with him again, with Dimitri, and he is his old self again, with no feral smile and red eyes. The fantasy is so vivid that I can actually believe that I can save him. That nothing will go wrong, that tomorrow we will succeed, then we will find Robert, then Dimitri…

This must work out.

It won't be easy, I know, and I am trembling inside. Even if I do find Dimitri, I am sure this task will be harder than it was trying to kill him back in Russia. Don't ask me how I know. I just do. But I have had harder fights, harder tasks before, and I have overcome them all. This is what going to happen now.

And anyway, I know deep inside of me that no-one else could be able to carry this through. I have to do this. For Dimitri.

To calm my mind, I embrace my pleasant memories of him, remembering his skin, his voice, his smell.

Sleep comes slowly.

_It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called  
>Standing on the frontline when the bomb starts to fall<br>I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames  
>Calling out my name<em>

The Universe has a strange way to tell me to stop.

The cure, the method to change a Strigoi back is within my reach, finally. Only really, it isn't. I know how to do it; but I can't. Only a spirit user can do it.

And this is where things start to get complicated.

Because, who would do it?

Lissa would, I know. She still thinks that she has to repay everything I have done for her. That she has to make right that she didn't offer her help right after the attack, when we still thought that Dimitri could be saved, could be simply healed. She would do it, because she is my friend. She would do it, because I want it.

It's a completely different question that I would never let her.

Adrian might do it; he would most likely stand a better chance at staking a Strigoi, too. But really, would he do it if I asked? One part of me says that yes, he would, but then my other half speaks up, screaming that he would be a fool to do that. He loves me, yes. But he doesn't want competition.

Robert would never do it for me. I can't ask things like this from Oksana. Where does that leave me? I know no more spirit users. Well, I do, but neither Avery nor Ms. Karp could help, for obvious reasons.

And if it wouldn't be enough, I have just faced another problem: Dimitri himself.

He showed up here, in Las Vegas. He killed, in front of my eyes, mercilessly. He killed innocent people, with friends and family, who were only in the wrong place at the wrong time.

He almost killed me.

He doesn't want to be saved.

But still, I have to take the next step. Now, it leads back to Court, but I can't abandon my plan. I will bring him back. I don't know how yet. But I will.

For him, for the Dimitri I used to know.

_I can see the writing on the wall  
>I can't ignore this war<br>At the end of it all…_

I can't believe my own eyes.

A moment ago, there was a fight all around me, pain and blood and death, shimmering silver and gleaming teeth, and dim light and fire and shadows dancing on the walls.

A moment ago Christian was holding Dimitri in a circle of flame, and now, after a blink of an eye, Lissa is there, stake in hand – how did she get that? When did she get that? -, gripping it in both hands, lunging forward, not missing her target.

A moment ago I wanted to move, to stop her, but I couldn't, because she told me no, using her magic, and now…

Blinding, white light fills the room. The Bond burns, it is so bright, and powerful and wonderful. I feel so many things that technically, I can't feel anything.

And then – it's over. The shadows are dancing again, but now they seem brighter. I hardly notice them. I only have eyes for the two most important people in my life.

They are both sitting on the floor, he halfway in her lap, and she is so serene, and he is trembling with sobs, and somehow, they remind me of the Pieta.

Only, there is no corpse, no dead, just an invisible one, just a Strigoi, a demon-soul only, bodiless, who resided in Dimitri until now.

But no more.

He looks at me and his eyes are deep, deep brown.

He is back.

My journey has come to an end. And I won.

…_Who am I living for?_

**A/N: Expect three more one-shots until Christmas :P – two VA and one Avatar one-shots :P **


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